In recognition of the National Day of Awareness for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, Girls and Two-Spirit people, Derek Thompson – Thlaapkiituup, Indigenous Advisor, reflects on his Grandmother’s legacy and the journey through personal and transformative changes.
Written by Derek Thompson – Thlaapkiituup
In 1989 in Port Alberni at a meeting of the fourteen Nuuchahnulth Nations, I stood at the side of my late paternal Grandmother, Ida Thompson (nee Modeste), as an assembly of Nuuchahnulth women confidently and urgently made a formal declaration to assert their individual and shared resolve to take back their rightful place in our communities, and be able to thrive in our communities free from any form of abuse, violence, addiction or suffering. I wrapped my arms around her as she listened to the declaration being read, and as her tears silently welled up I held her closer.
A Declaration of the Nuuchahnulth Women
Nuuchahnulth women, givers of life, are Mothers, Daughters, Grandmothers, Granddaughters, Aunts, Nieces, Sisters, Teachers, and Friends.
We treasure the values and traditions we have been taught; they have sustained us during the many changes throughout history;
We take pride in our culture, heritage and traditions, and we honor and respect our Elders and their teachers;
We are responsible for the health and safety of our children and our families, and we seek to ensure that our children will always be protected;
We believe in the strength of our family ties, and assert our right to always retain the love of our immediate and extended families;
We have the right to be respected in spirit, mind, and body, and to live free from sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse;
We have the right to love and be loved, care and be cared for, protect and are protected;
We have the right to be heard and to be treated as partners in our relationships with family and friends;
We have the right to be individuals, to make our own choices and to pursue our personal goals;
We respect ourselves, and we will be respected;
We will teach our children by example, and we will ensure the well-being of future generations of Nuuchahnulth is not jeopardized in any way;
We recognize changes in our society, and we will call upon our strengths to live with those changes in a manner consistent with our traditions and values;
We will maintain integrity and pride in being Nuuchahnulth women.
My Gran was an amazing woman. She was graceful, clever, mindful, bright, humble, and generous of all things good and wholesome. My Gran never consumed alcohol or drugs, ever, and she was always sensitive to those in her extended family who were caught up in the trauma of unresolved grief, hurt and pain which always seemed to be married to some form of toxic dependency. She was a devout Christian and a follower of the Shaker Church, and was a staunch believer in our own customs, and she would always say that, “There are many roads that lead to some kind of religion, but there’s only one road that will guide you back to our Ancestors.” She never had anything bad to say about people who had only bad things to say about her or her family, and she was adamant to always light a candle for them, pray for them, and only ever wish for peace and security for people who were hurt and hurting. My Gran survived not one but two Indian Residential Schools, and if that wasn’t enough she was forced to watch her own children be shipped off to an Indian Residential School where she knew exactly what the outcome was going to be for her babies. She endured the continuing legacy of this hurt and pain written on the faces of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren who also suffered some form of abuse, some form of suicide, some form of neglect, and some form of unresolved trauma. My Gran was an amazing woman.
My Gran, and many from her generation, was never a part of today’s formal movements to redress the wrongs of the past, and yet she was one of many that created the very foundations for this era of truth, reconciliation, redress, and reclamation to exist. As we turn and face the girls and women in our communities and declare our collective will to end violence and suffering against them, let us remember those that never had a chance to come to terms with their own hurt, their own grief, and their own healing.
Admittedly, this is not at all an easy matter for me to reflect and write about. In my life I have been abusive, I have been neglectful, I have been controlling, I have been manipulative, and I have been equally selfish and indifferent to the needs of women that I have proclaimed to love and protect. My Gran insisted that I continue to be true to myself, to be accountable for my actions, and to be forgiving of my own limitations – of which there are many. In the twenty years since my Gran’s passing I’ve been aware of the need to grow, to learn, to have peace, and to figure out who I am and the man that I need to become. I have a long way yet in figuring this out. With my Gran at my side I know that I’ll come to terms with my past, with the man that I was, with the hurt and pain that I’ve inflicted, and be filled with the generosity of her memory, heart and spirit.
I am of the belief that if we are to make transformative changes in our systemic behaviors in regards to the formal work of today’s Indigenous-led commissions of truth, reconciliation, redress, and reclamation, then there must be a deliberate individual effort to be equally life-changing in how we treat girls and women. Every word, every utterance, every action, every behavior, every energy, every breath, and every purpose out of our male bodies and minds must be an effort to uplift the girls and women in our homes and communities, and create the men we need to become.